Lake Butter Gazetteer

Author: Yonder Willowbeam

  • Rumbly in My Tumbly; Pooh Pooh-Poohed

    Rumbly in My Tumbly; Pooh Pooh-Poohed

    “Oh bother.” said Pooh Bear. “I was in bed, having a small smackerel of honey as an early night snack when I heard a sound which sounded like my tummy if I had forgotten to eat something around tea time. I was concerned I had missed tea time so I got out of bed to see if I had some sandwiches. I had a honey and butter sandwich and when I still heard the rumbling I had another sandwich. When the rumbling kept going I thought to myself that I couldn’t be my tummy on account of the sandwiches, you see?”

    Pooh Bear reports he determined that the rumbling was coming from under the bed. The next morning he gave a full account to Owl who assured Pooh Bear that there was nothing rumbling under the bed. Pooh Bear isn’t wholly convinced. “Kanga and little Roo, who were returning from Dolly Parton’s birthday party, said they heard a rumbling noise around their house but think it might have been Tigger practicing his bouncing.”

    Ambassador Piglet’s office released a statement reminding and reassuring denizens of the Hundred Acre Woods that “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” The Ambassador is hoping to meet with his counterpart from Endor to discuss this alleged phenomenon.

  • Violet Wizard Presumed Dead Later Found To Be In Her Hat— Are At-Large Adventurers Going Too Far?

    Violet Wizard Presumed Dead Later Found To Be In Her Hat— Are At-Large Adventurers Going Too Far?

    Elderberry Biscuit was attacked and allegedly killed inside her cottage by an at-large adventuring party. The Gazetteer has learned that four adventurers ransacked the cozy cottage and bested who they believed to be the beloved protector of The Volumes. Fortunately, only an impostor was harmed. An anonymous source alleges the adventurers were looting the Wizard’s belongings when she fell out of her hat.

    This has prompted local fans of the Violet Wizard to ask local lawmakers to consider raising the barrier of entry for adventures. “This is not the first time such a call has been made” said Marcell Dareus, a local broker of magic items, continuing “I see it all the time. A noble family goes on vacation to the mountains for a few weeks, and next thing you know, every two bit party ransacks their home claiming it’s a long abandoned chateau.” “We need better accountability for these people.” he exclaimed.

    The Volumes Assembly declined to comment but is expected to hear public statements on adventurers and adventuring parties during their next town hall meeting, next Thursday at 6 pm.

  • Narnia Man Insists Entire World History Rewritten Overnight

    Narnia Man Insists Entire World History Rewritten Overnight

    Narnia man, Gator Tavish, believes he witnessed the complete destruction and reincarnation of the world. Local law enforcement was called to the market where the Narnia man was accosting patrons, professing knowledge of “The Truth.” Paramedics were called on to the scene as it was believed Tavish was under the influence of narcotics.

    Tavish ranted for many sessions about a series of fey planes tormented by a malevolent witch named “Jessica.” Tavish alleged she was abducting children for unclear but diabolical purposes. Authorities say Tavish became uncooperative during questioning and insists that there is a group of adventurers working for “a dragon-like Avatar of the Celestial Librarian” and believes that they caused the world to end and then begin again. The Gazetteer reached out to Gator Tavish after he was released into the care of his sister. We were unable to get a response.

    We asked local priest Father Bippy Cartouche if it is possible the world could drastically change in ways which Tavish claims possible. His response: “I think we would know if the world ended because we’d have been there to see it.”

    Since then, Tavish released a short statement calling for understanding and says he now believes not only that “The Greatest Retcon in Fable’s History” but also it is all just part of Aslan’s plan. The Gazetteer reached out but Aslan was unavailable for comment.

  • Sheikh’s Squeaks Piques Critiques

    Sheikh’s Squeaks Piques Critiques

    Tragedy nearly unfolds at 500th Dollywood celebration when Sheikh Ken Little, accused of conspiracy to murder the beloved Dolly Parton, was detained and jailed by the authority of a group of adventurers. People familiar with the facility say the plotting royal is being held in the maximum security wing of the jail. Local lawmakers, like Assemblyman Reagan Ronald McDonald, have heard the story, report being alarmed that the sheikh’s rights seem to have been violated, and condemn the imprisonment. Detractors such as Ambassador Piglet say they heard the sheikh was armed with dangerous contraband and applauded the quick action. Assemblyman McDonald wants proof of dangerous contraband immediately and demands the sheikh be released immediately on his own recognizance. Jailhouse administrators refused to comment.

  • Dolly Headlines 500th Annual Festival

    Dolly Headlines 500th Annual Festival

    Many people from around the world have come to the Dolly Woods in The Volumes to celebrate the 500th anniversary of Dollywood, a special festival thrown by the patron of the forest. These attendees hail from all over Fable and sometimes some who claim to be from Beyond. The 500th Dollywood is going to be a time to remember.